Megan talks about her night in Scranton and rocking The Little Miss Project LIVE all by herself. This story gave me chills just thinking about how powerful it was of her to stand there, alone, showing her story to the world. You did a great thing, Megan, and there are so many people out there praising and clapping for you right now for being SO BRAVE! This hard time WILL pass and it WILL be alright again. It’s definitely not a bad thing feeling so connected to Sugarland. There are lots of us out here who feel the exact same way. I never question it. I just remember the happiness and excitement they’ve brought to my life and how looking back, I don’t know where I’d be without them. It’s a good, GOOD thing! Here’s Megan’s story… (video link below)
My friend and I drove 5 hours yesterday to Scranton, Pa to see Sugarland-I got to meet them, which I’m still so amazed at…it went so, so fast though, we barely got to say “hi” to them, the people running it were rushing everyone so bad, but I managed to give Jennifer a letter I wrote so that was okay.
I actually wasn’t planning on holding up a sign…this week has been so crazy stressful and I didn’t have time to grab signs or markers, but before I left for the concert I put my sign from Pittsburgh into my bag, just in case. Then, when I heard the first chords of Little Miss, I took out my sign and held it up without really thinking about it…I was the only one with a sign. (My sign says “Survived abuse and rape” and “Little Miss brand new start”.) It was overwhelming, painful, powerful…made me feel like I actually had a voice, for a minute. Jennifer pointed at me when she sang “it’ll be alright again”. And then the front part of my sign, abuse and rape, was on the big screen, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe…people in the pit all turned around to look at me, and some were taking pictures, and I wanted to stop holding it up because I was so ashamed, I wasn’t ready for admitting what’s happened to me like I thought I was…it wasn’t like Pittsburgh, because at Pittsburgh I wasn’t holding up a sign all by myself…but then I looked up at Jennifer and Kristian and they were singing with all their hearts, and I thought about all the brave Little Misses all over the country that have held their signs high, and I realized I COULD do it. I focused on them, and on the words, and I was shaking but I was okay. When I flipped the sign to the “little miss brand new start” and it got on the big screen again, everyone around me cheered. That felt kind of good. And then when it was over I was thinking, maybe there was someone, even if it was just one person, that saw that I kept my sign up even though I was terrified and almost crying, and maybe they can admit what happened to them, too. If that makes any sense. The most powerful moment for me was when Jennifer sang “you are loved”…I so badly need to hear that, especially right now. I wanted more than anything to just hug her and hear her say that to me…sorry, that’s probably weird. She was saying that to me anyway, in a way.
I feel really down today. Yesterday was so emotional for me…meeting them, and Little Miss, and knowing that Jennifer and Kristian probably have read my letter by now…I’m just so drained, and so sad. I don’t want to have a sign that says “survived abuse and rape”. It’s not fair. I’m so terribly alone right now. Yes, I have the Little Miss Project and Sugarland, but you all aren’t HERE. I’ve been crying all day on and off. I just want someone sitting here with me. My heart is breaking and I don’t have anyone that I can call and say, please, it hurts too much. You know I don’t even know the names of the guys that raped me? And they get to go on and live their lives and I’m stuck in that night, I’m stuck in hell, and maybe I get a few moments where I feel strong, like last night, but it doesn’t last. I hold on to Sugarland’s music and two people that basically don’t even know I exist and somehow it’s been enough and I don’t understand WHY. It scares me how much Sugarland means to me. I just wish I had that same feeling with someone, anyone, in “real life”. I’m just so lost and sad.
Video from the show: