Jacqueline opens up and shares her story about her father fighting cancer and going through a deep depression.
I love what you have done with this song and what you have done with this project. I sport my Little Miss Project shirt proudly all across my college campus. Thank you for creating this project. Hearing others stories has given me the courage to finally share my own story and reach out to others.
September 2010 – My father/best friend/greatest man I know is diagnosed with Prostate Cancer
October 2010 – Sugarland releases “The Incredible Machine”
Between those two months I found myself regressing back to the person I was five years ago. This person was not someone I enjoyed staring back at in the mirror every morning. I was an emotional wreck. I was angry at the world and myself. I didn’t have a way of getting my emotions out so I hid them inside where only I could find them. All of my emotions were buried deep inside my heart and I just didn’t know how to release them. I didn’t have any friends to talk to because I have never known the feeling of a true friendship. I couldn’t talk to my family because whenever I tried I’d get laughed at or my dreams would be crushed. I thought I was asking too much of others. I found myself thinking I was a burden to others when I wanted to talk because I didn’t think I had anything good to say. I learned to keep my mouth shut and suck my emotions up. I can’t remember shedding one tear or cracking one smile. I held everything inside.
As far back as I can remember this was my behavior. I am not sure of exactly what sparked it, but it could’ve been my grandmother’s death or being the only one getting in trouble at home and having no one to turn to. I can’t really say. I have always been quiet, shy, a loner, and a tomboy. I learned to be independent and to only rely on myself. Even then, being the quiet, shy, loner that I was I looked to music to lean/rely on. At this point I didn’t know who Sugarland was and I’m pretty sure Jennifer and Kristian didn’t even know each other so I leaned on a popular artist of that time, Eminem. For many years I leaned him and his music to get out my anger, frustration, sadness, and fear. The very first song of his I ever remember touching me was “Hailey’s Song”. In the first verse he states, “Some days I sit staring out the window watching this world pass me by, sometimes I think there’s nothing to live for, I almost break down and cry”. These words hit home for me back then. It was exactly how I felt at the time and coming from a place where there isn’t a country music radio station, this was the music I listened to. Eminem was able to save me from a lot of lonely nights, but he couldn’t cure my depression. My parents hated the fact that their ten year old was listening to such profane music. My dad always tried to get me to listen to anything else but rap, but I just never could find a good substitute. Until one day, my dad told me to listen to “Live Like You Were Dying” by Tim McGraw. I was immediately hooked. I shared this song with my cousin Megan, who also loved rap, and she was hooked too. This song quickly became our anthem. Now that my dad had taken care of my coping mechanism, he and my mom started to work on my problems of being shy, quiet, and a loner.
They were always hounding about staying home on Friday and Saturday nights, wanting to know why I didn’t have any friends. They blamed me for not being outgoing enough. One night I found out that they thought I wasn’t making an effort to make friends at the new catholic school I was going to. They bombarded together while my sister’s weren’t home. After they finished screaming at me and making me feel like a failure at life because I had no friends, they left to go out with their friends. I was feeling lousy and was crying my eyes out because I felt like I had failed them at life. I felt like I had failed at life. I just wanted to give up on life and figured no one would miss a failure. I didn’t feel loved or wanted by anyone. I was sitting on the floor of my room ready to slice open my ulna artery and bleed out, when all of a sudden my computer decides now would be a good time to turn my screensaver on. It popped up and started showing pictures of my cousin Megan and me as it was playing “Live Like You Were Dying” (the only country song on my computer) in the background. This startled me and made me realize that there are people who care and love me even if they don’t show it everyday.
Soon after I discovered how amazing country music is back in 2005, Sugarland released their new album, “Enjoy the Ride”. I fell in love with the first single and I am proud say that this album was the second country album I ever owned. I was hooked and just couldn’t get enough of the duo. Now four years later, their album “The Incredible Machine” was the thirty-second country album I have ever bought. I automatically fell in love with this album and still can’t choose a favorite song off of it. This album was released at the perfect time with the perfect songs on it. As I found myself trying to deal with the news of my dad, who I have become extremely close with since 2005, having prostate cancer and coming off of a really stressful freshman year of college, I found my spirits being lifted with every song that went by. But the one song that meant the most to be off of the album was Little Miss because of the hope it gave me that my dad (and my GPA) would be all right again. I have been little miss down on love, little miss I give up, little miss hide your scars, little miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about, but now I am little miss brand new start, little miss big ole heart beats wide open, she’s ready now for love and I am okay and I know it will be all right again 😀
Since then, my dad has had surgery to remove the cancer and was officially announced to cancer free on December 13, 2010 and that was the best Christmas present anyone could ask for. My GPA has improved from the 2.3 it was to a 3.5. I have also found a lot of people to talk to about every day things that I used to keep inside through the Sugarland community online and through my blog. I look to all of my friends to help brighten my day or to just help me get through a boring class.
Things have been recently looking up for me even more. I had the opportunity to win tickets to see Tim McGraw for free and I won the tickets, which just so happened to be in the second row (I took my cousin Megan with me). (This made two of my dreams come true: see Tim with my cousin and be in orchestra seating for one concert in my life). I saved enough money to see Sugarland live for the first time on May 21, 2011 in NJ (another dream come true). I have become living proof that things will be all right again and that dreams come true 😀
In one of my boring classes I wrote a little something about Sugarland and how their online community has affected me… I entitled it A Magical Place
There’s this magical place where you can be who and what you want
There are no worries inside of this land
There is no war and everyone is a friend to one another
You can share your troubles from the outside world with complete strangers who are kind, understanding, and non-judgmental
You will soon find that these strangers have become your friends
Giving you advice, and including you in their thoughts throughout the day
Whether you’re searching for encouragement, understanding or just some fun
Someone will always be there for you
We all keep in touch night after night
And meet up once or maybe even more throughout the year
We look forward to that night all year long and pray for it to come sooner rather than later
Then it’s here and we don’t want it to end
In our eyes that night should never end
But when it does we will meet again the next day when we are asked ‘were you there?’
We can respond yes and relive that night over and over
This magical place is only possible because of our fearless leaders
Who distribute this magic to our souls
They are our hometown heroes who have their feet on the ground and their heads in the clouds
We look up to them but feel like their best friends
They may keep their personal lives private but their personalities radiate
Some of us are even lucky enough to be able to meet them or share a smile with them
This magical place is real and its name is SUGARLAND
Our fearless leaders are Jennifer and Kristian
And they bring us all together online
And again once a year at their concerts (to us Sugarcubes the greatest night of the year)
Thanks J&K for giving me friends from far and near and for chasing your dreams!!
Thank you for watching and reading!