Emily talks about growing up fast and “being a parent to her parent.” What she’s been through, and how Sugarland helped give her a positive outlook on things. It’s hard not having a relationship with a parent but I hope, & can already see that their actions are making you stronger, Emily!
I was fairly young when my parents started having problems with their Marriage. I witnessed Domestic violence, emotional, and verbal abuse. I’m just shy of 21 now and have problems of letting people in and letting my walls down. On and off throughout my life my parents still believe they can work it out, even being divorced and being in separate households. Not knowing what it was doing to their children. When I was 17 or 18 I can’t remember now, Mom was determined to move back in with dad. So my one brother, Mom, and I packed up and moved back in. Only a year later, things went sour, AGAIN with my parents. This time, my Dad started to put me in middle and throw nasty remarks at me saying I will be nothing, and will be filing for bankruptcy just like my mom, nasty stuff like that. I’m the type of person who believes you do not say that kind of things to your child, even if they did something wrong.
I had boyfriends in the past, but I never tell my parents. I feel why should I tell them? Who are they to tell me any advice? Who are they to tell me anything? I am in my first serious relationship, and they are clueless. I am wanting to move to Wisconsin to be with him, and maybe go back to school to finish my degree also. My boyfriend, Jonathan, knows my past and understands it. His Mom is very similar like mine. So when my Mom starts rashing out and I get mad, he understands and tries to cheer me up. It’s like God sent him to me at the right time and I thank God everyday. However, my parents have no clue. I have two brothers (no sisters), and only one brother knows something.
When my Mom and I moved out (my one brother stayed with my dad), I signed the leased first because my mom had poor credit. Not really thinkin’. I was 19 then. I mean, do 19 year olds really have their head on correctly at that age? Of course I wouldn’t think twice much then. About a couple months in living with my Mom, things started getting bad. She kept askin’ for money. I understood every now and then. I mean she didn’t work and couldn’t work because of a surgery she had when I was sixteen. So I was FORCED to help her, but she was just draggin’ me down and putting me name on everything.
In September-October 2010, Things finally took a turn for the worse when her and dad went for a trip alone to some Island, and I kept getting texts from her about Dad and I told her I did not want to hear it. Since then, we been fighting and she’s been calling me this and that. And telling me she will get rid of me just like she got rid of my Father. Whatever that means.
On the days I didn’t have work, I went to my dads.. 40 minutes away. JUST to get away from it. Or I would lock myself in my bedroom. Or it would come down to me having to call off work, thankfully I have a boss that understands. I have moved out, and my mom moved out. I moved back in with my Dad, and she got a one bedroom apartment about an hour South from where we were living. And since all, she left me with a crap load of unpaid bills (I paid my share, but that obviously didn’t help), two months of unpaid rent, left the apartment a MESS (I couldn’t go in there because she made up lies that she had a restraining order against one of the landlord’s relatives), and I could go on and on.
As you can imagine, being 21.. This is a lot to handle. No 21 year old should have to handle this. My Dad tried telling me she would do this. But when you’re young, and you don’t know what the hell is going on between your parents what are you going to do? My Mom did this to my Dad, that should of been my sign. And you hear “Your Dad did this to me…” from your Mom and “Your mom is/that…” from your Dad. It confuses you and throws you off track and leaves you to wonder what way and what track to go.
I now have arthritis in my neck and going in my shoulder. The Dr. says it’s from me thinkin’ I’m superwoman lifting things & the fact it’s heredity. Living with my Mother and taking care of her since I was 16, and lifting everything for her since then and this is what I get, and well it’s in the family too.
My Mom & I barely talk now. Only when needed, and we usually only have conversations through text messages and they are brief. I only see her at family gatherings. It’s a shame that it came to this way. But it’s her fault that it had to happen, I mean it is mine too I guess a little bit. But no one is perfect, and when it comes down to it. When you grow up in a house full of violence, and not knowing what to do.. you will put walls up and will defend yourself.. very quick. They say children who see and hear violence in their home suffer physically and emotionally. Not only that but family violence creates the home environment where the children live in constant fear. They are also affected similar to children who are physically abused. She left me with a lot of bills & I still got a student loan. Oh boy!
But as “Little Miss” says; I’m okay! It’ll be alright again!
Update: (sent over a month later)
I’m now 21. But that doesn’t matter, this isn’t about age.
Past 2 weeks my Mother went back on her downward spiral, and blaming everyone for stuff. My Brother gets married May 7th this year, and now she wants no part of his Wedding. I’m hoping it’s all talk because if it’s not, she’s going to regret not being there. I know she has an issue with my Dad’s side of the family for whatever reason, but this day is about her son and needs to be there for him.
I went down to her place and dropped a few things of hers off, and picked up a few things of mine.. And she didn’t even want me to come in. I finally was able to, but next thing I knew she was stomping outside to yell at my father for any and everything. Saying she wants her stuff that was in the divorce papers which was 10 years ago maybe? She had it all once, then moved back in with my Father, and left again and left it. She should get it. We’re not going back down there. And now my Father is blaming himself for the way she’s acting. I told him it’s not. She’s been like this for some time. Now she’s talking about moving to Florida. Again, I don’t know if this is just talk, or if she’s serious, But.. it’s her lost if she doesn’t want to be in her childrens lives.
“Little Miss I’ll get tough, don’t you worry about me anymore,” is what I live for in this Little Miss song. It’s so true with me.
ALL Sugarland’s song I can relate to and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Another song I listen to a lot of is Sugarland’s “Stand Back up.” The lyrics are so true, and again I can relate.
I ignore all my mom’s texts/calls lately as all she does is rant and rant some more. I’ll be honest, being 21 with this kind of stress is not fun but I manage to get through the day. I may have lost my Mom, but I still have good memories I try to keep in mind and help block the bad memories. My brothers and I are pretty much being the parent to my own parent.