Little Miss Lydia

Lydia has been Little Miss down on love, but she’s never been Little Miss I give up…

I want to say thank you to you and Sugarland for starting this. Reading the stories has been inspiring and has helped to give me some strength.

My life has been a struggle from day one. I grew up in an abusive home with my Mother beating me daily. Ran away often and then was brought out of that home into another home that was so loving on an island. I lost a child and the child’s father within 12 hrs of each other in my early teens and boy did that make me a horrible teenager! At 16, that family ended (Momma died and Daddy was very sick and couldn’t take care of me anymore) and I thought I wanted to move back with my biological family. Big mistake! Mother was still very abusive still and Dad was still traveling so he didn’t have to deal with my Mother. At 18 I left home and moved in with my boyfriend at the time. We did end up getting married and having a beautiful baby girl that is now 17, however, he was very abusive and almost killed me and my daughter! He never wanted her. I divorced him but during the proceedings my Father stood up against me in court (when trying to get a PFA against my husband to protect my daughter that he just gave 17 stitches across her head with a car door) and stated in court I was an unfit mother and didn’t deserve to have my daughter. Luckily, for the first time in my life, the judge didn’t by it and stood up for me and my daughter! After that, my parents moved my ex-husband and his child (not mine, but from a prior relationship) in with them and left me out in the cold with a baby, in school and only a part-time job. I ended up getting a certification instead of a degree so I could go and get a job and have been trying to support my daughter and I the past 17 yrs!

When my daughter was 2, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I had been sick for yrs but was told I was making it up and nothing was wrong with me. I ended up in surgery in January of ’99 and ended up coding on the table because I was so sick. Though, they obviously brought me back, it has been such a struggle for me. My daughter has had to grow up so fast and has had to watch me struggle with this illness! It wasn’t easy but I think it’s made her a more understanding child to people that are sick!

About 5 yrs ago, I got married again to a wonderful man. That marriage didn’t last though. He ended up mentally ill and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him to get the help he needed. It was the right thing to do since I was being told he was dangerous to me.

I went back to school and graduated with an AA in Accounting in ’09 and am now trying to find funding to go back and get my BS degree in Business Management with Human Resource Management as my concentration. I am scared but hoping I can do it! I don’t have much family support, but do have wonderful friends that are giving me the support they can to try and do this. I was dating a wonderful man, who I loved more than life itself and loves me so much! He was such a blessing and truly made me feel alive and loved! However, because of his religion and family, for the past month, we have had to call things off. I am heart broken and so is he. Still see him around and he can’t even look me in the eyes or be close to me because it hurts to much to be apart but we have no choice. It is he hardest thing I have ever done besides loosing my fiance (the only other person that made me feel like this) and daughter! I truly don’t know how to push through this but by taking one minute, and at times, one second at a time! I miss him dearly and am trying to focus on my daughter and myself going back to school. I have wonderful support with my friends! I truly am blessed to have the wonderful friends I do that are as heart broken as I am that we are both stuck in this horrible situation of not being able to be together. I am slowly finding the strength to make it through this though it is a horrible pain I would never ever ask on anyone.

I am hopeful I will be able to find the funding to go back and finish my BS degree. I only need 15 classes left and am hoping my Crohn’s allows me to make it through this so I can get my degree and be able to support myself and get a job that has good benefits so I can stay alive! I am hoping, after my daughter graduates to move back to the island I still call my home and live out my days there. Hopefully happy, but missing the love of my life I am sure!

Lost

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