Little Miss Jennifer L.

Jennifer L’s story about losing a baby, but never losing strength. She writes,

In Oct.2011 I found out I was pregnant and was very excited. My husband was thrilled. We had been trying for some time. We wanted to have another child so our little boy would have somebody to play with. Our son who is 6 yrs. Old has actually asked us for a brother or sister but he really wanted a brother. When we found out and got confirmation from the doctor that I was pregnant we told our son. He was so excited. He told us that the little baby was a boy and we told him we will have to see.

In January we had to switch doctors. The new doctor did an ultrasound and told me that she wanted me to see a prenatal doctor because she was seeing a big bulge on our little baby. I went to the prenatal doctor and on the way there I was listening to my new Sugarland CD. When I went in to see the doctor I found out the big bulge was our little boys bladder. I was 9 weeks pregnant and our son had a bladder bigger than his body. I was told that it could be a good thing but also a bad thing. At the time the doctor could not see any kidney’s at all.

When I got out of the doctor’s office I got in my car and turned it on. On the radio my CD was playing “Little Miss” and I broke down and cried. The part I heard was “It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, It’ll be alright again, it’ll be alright again”. At the time that is all I could think about is it will be alright. Our little guy grew inside me and we thought he was doing much better. We got his bed and stroller..and even some clothes. We were getting ready to have another little boy. On February 10, 2011 I went in to see the prenatal doctor again to see if our little boys bladder had gone down. The doctor came in and told me there was no heartbeat. I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time so he had everything intact except his brain was not ready yet. Our son had a blockage in his bladder so he could not pee. The fluid ended up going up to his chest and stopping his heart. He did not feel a thing but the night before the appointment I felt him move and in the morning he was gone.

I ended having to be induced to get him out. I went to the hospital on a Sat . and by Sunday afternoon I was still in labor.. I went home and on the next Sat. I had to go in again to get induced. This time the doctor doubled my dose of medicine. By 11pm Sat. night I had delivered our son, a huge blood clot, and the placenta. I also fainted after delivering the placenta while I was in the bathroom not in my bed. By Sunday we got released from the hospital.. I was so weak, my body was tired, my strength was gone, I was a emotional basket case. I had lost a son. On Monday we made arrangements to have a burial for our little boy. When he came out he was the size of a drivers license. I did not see him but my husband did.

On Fri. Feb. 25th we laid our little son to rest. It was so hard to do. We listened to Little Miss on Sunday and my husband said that song was me. I was being strong for our 6 yr. old son. It has been 3 very long weeks. What stands out in the song is “I’m okay, It’ll be alright again, I’m okay (okay) It’ll be alright again, I’m okay and “Hold on, hold on, you are loved, are loved” because I know it will be alright… and I know our little boy is alright . He’s in Heaven right now. I also know that I am loved and I still have a husband and son who loves me no matter what. I have always been the strong one. I am betrayed as the tough girl and I can take anything. In the inside I hurt but in the outside I feel like I have show everybody that I am strong. This song “Little Miss” has hit me hard and it’s like it’s telling a story of our lives. Now there 2 other songs that stand out to us. One is “Stuck like Glue” everything that has been going on here lately that song is My husband and I. We are stuck like Glue to each other. Also the song “Shine the Light” is a song that sticks to us. We are there for each other and for our son. If our son feels down or acts up we are there for him. My husband and I are both there for each other.

I just wanted to share our story. We named our little boy Joshua Reagan. Our 6 year old is name PJ. We will try again when we are ready because I know I have the strength to try again.

Jennifer L.

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5 thoughts on “Little Miss Jennifer L.

  1. Such a powerful story. You are such a strong family and I have so much respect for all of you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but thank you for sharing your story. You are in my thoughts and prayers

  2. I am 55 yrs old and during my life, I have suffered may heartbreaks, including the loss of a small life from my body. However, as I grew older, I began to be so grateful for all I do have, and as my two sons grew to become men and blessed me with grandchildren (I even got a girl!) I realized that life is meant to be a series of ups and downs, wins and losses. It is all a balance. I recently have given up on a relationship with my parents, having given all I have to give to people that don’t care if I am alive or not, don’t care about my children or grandchildren, just don’t care. It was difficult, but then, just when I think my heart cannot be broken anymore, one of my children will come by, my door flys open and in runs my 5 year old grandson with more love for me than I ever imagined possible! That has filled the void of emotionally absent parents, the loss of my brother in 2003, and all the heartache of the past.

  3. Jennifer your story touched my heart deeply. I, myself, went thru a similar situation with my husband’s and my first pregnancy. At 10 weeks I went to the doctor for a check up expecting to hear my baby’s heartbeat but there was not one. It died a couple weeks prior to that and we never knew. Motherly instinct tells me it was a girl which I have always dreamt of having. Though now, 12 years later with 2 little boys, ages 7 & 10 when I think back to pain and sorrow my husband and I went thru it still brings tears to my eyes. And now I’ve had a hysterectomy and my chances of having a baby girl are gone …..I have instructed both kids that their first babies must be girls so I can spoil them rotten lol. Anyway when I had what my doctors called a “missed abortion” I found much comfort in writing poetry and writing in my journal regularly. I also wrote 2 peoms for my littlle girl- one right after she died and 1 a year later telling her goodbye. It was a good feeling to be able to move on again. I am praying for you, your husband, and P.J. Your time will come to be a mom again when you least expect it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with your fans. It meant more to me personally than you could ever know.

    • Oh! Jennifer how you touched our hearts by your story. I feel your sadness and heartache, and am so sorry for you and your husband and your son, PJ. It is hard to be tough and strong but sometimes we just have to let it go no matter what or how hard we try. I know God has a plan why? makes me angry having to ask that question but even though he has the answers that we may not understand, You will be a mom again, when the 2 of you are ready, it will happen.God bless you and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Julieann

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